Parenting the Hard Way IS The Right Way

From my observations, there are two types of parents and its really easy how to tell which one you are.

All I have to do is ask the question- If your child in High School murdered someone, and you were the first to know-would you call the cops or hide them out?

Its a very simple question that will tell you if you are parenting correctly in the first second you answer.

Whats the correct answer? You call the cops! But I know there are parents who stopped reading when I said that and were appalled with an air of superiority that they believe "blood is thicker than water" and "you don't betray your family." I will address that later.

If you raise your kid with the knowledge that no way, no how are you going to help them in ANY way to hide or cover up a crime for them, in fact that YOU will be the FIRST one to call the cops on them, I guarantee your whole style of parenting will follow and your child will be given the best parent and upbringing he or she can have.

My husband was of the WRONG style of parenting and since he had 7 attempts with 6 of them being boys before we ever knew one another and well, how do I say this-those kids ARE not contributing members of society, OK? More like a pure menace to society and as they got older they got worse and NONE of the boys graduated and ALL of them take drugs. They are in their thirties now and its very obvious none of them are going to change and a few of them aren't even allowed near our home again because they are too dangerous to simply be around. Most of them did time in jail and two in prison.

My husband is ill right now with a deadly disease and all these adult children wanted to know was what they were going to get when he died. They are in dysfunctional relationships and the ones with kids have already damaged their poor children with their ways. THATS what that kind of parenting does and how sad to be an aging person with adult children who have no sense of respect or decent love for you.

See when you are the kind of parent that will defend your child when they are wrong, THAT kid KNOWS that whatever they do there's really nothing to fear, not even of you and will NEVER have any respect of anyone including you. AND strangely enough YOU as a parent with this style get an attitude of hands off all the important stuff because "Hey, he knows Ill be there for him in anything, so I really don't have to do much else." Its not planned but its just the way it happens subconsciously I believe.

On the other side of the coin, I being the parent who would call the cops BEFORE anyone else have raised two kids before I met my husband who are both well educated and working in fields of social service, and were never ever in trouble with the law in any capacity.

We have a boy now between us and my husband has let me do the parenting in my style since he had SUCH a good turnout with his!

Now my child will be the first to tell you at only ten years old that I would call the cops on him if he did something. And you know what? He has already gotten a very real sense of whats right and wrong, fairness and justice. I didn't have to lecture these things to him, it comes out with the style. I am there checking on what he is doing, involved with his teachers and who he is spenfing time with on the playground. If something happens at school and I find out about it from the teacher BEFORE him, he has learned that there's such a thing as house arrest already. He also knows my First question is "what did you do to cause this?" NOT a diplomatic, "what happened?" making him think that theres a way to fast talk out of it.

And this parenting style is the harder style, which is why I think that people who quote the "blood is thicker" quote is just saying it because it sounds good so they can hide behind it, they've chosen this style because they are lazy, pure and simple. They also try to be "friends" with their kids so they don't have to "be the bad guy" in other words, "discipline."

Its hard to discipline but see, I took parenting classes while I was still pregnant even though I raised two successful human beings before because it had been some time in between. These classes actually say that NOT disciplining your child correctly is a form of abuse. That quote really stuck with me and its SO true because your poor kid will have a stunted life, a dysfunctional life and never succeed if YOU don't show them right from wrong early on and they may never learn it. SOME do go through the system and grow up the hard way but some of them NEVER do barring a miracle. AND you may never have layed a hand on them their entire lives but they are as abused as a child who was beaten daily.

Also, I'm not a proponent of spanking, far from it, but my child has had a few swats when he was in the 5-8 years. Time outs work SO much better as the Nanny 911 shows exemplify. Before 4or 5 they don't understand swatting and after that its not a real tool anymore. BUT my child knows there ARE extreme situations where he might be 6 foot tall and 16 years of age and I will find a way to discipline him that will sting if he does something seriously wrong.

When you are this kind of parent you must be actively involved in what they watch and who they are friends with. ALOT of parents aren't that interested in parenting to do all that. My child knows he wont have a cell phone until he has his own job to pay for it, period, no argument. He knows he can not have an email, go into ANY chatroom or any of that until he has a home of his own. These things are NOT needs but our society has made them SEEM like needs. When he goes out of town on a field trip I have given him my cell phone to call home for that added security but I can see NO other reason he needs to have one. These are the hard choices that will mold your child into a successfully contributing member of society and a well rounded human being.

I believe that you should have to have a license before you can have a child which includes parenting classes. A lot of people who want to have kids have them nowadays as a result of wanting love in their lives and think that will fulfill them. They don't need children, they need counseling!

You have to have a license to do anything anymore except screw up a whole human being! It astounds me!

And these kids who say they got pregnant by accident are lying, anyone who gets pregnant got that way by choice. If the pills or condom fails then I guess that would be an accident but that's not what they mean.

NOW already my husband and I are constantly complimented on what a great, helpful, caring, loving child we have, in school by teachers, in church by ministers and lay people. Even the odd person in the store who notices him in contrast to their own screaming disrespectful kids will say something. I say thank you but I see room for improvement because that's the parenting style I signed on for, always working, always striving to make sure my son has gotten the best parenting he could get from me. My husband kindly points to me and says, "its all her". Which is nice of him but I know its because his other kids were already in loads of trouble and most into drugs by age ten.

I get constant hugs from my son and last year he even made me a best mom award for being so nice. Kids need and want a real parent who is willing to do the hard things.

Taking the hard road in parenting is the high road and if you aren't constantly planning to be on the job then you have no business DOING the job because that's what being a real parent is all about.

Im not perfect, this is ONLY my opinion and you don't have to agree with me but I have a pretty good track record so far.

Thanks for reading.

Samantha Stacia

Creator of the group BLOOMING LATE within the www.SheWrites.com writers site

http://samantha-stacia.blogspot.com

http://frankiesfundraising.blogspot.com