Charity really DOES start at home!

Americans are the givers of the world,media says. Even when our own country is suffering economically, America leads the world in charity. REALLY?

What I've noticed as an American, the trend here is all about giving out of our own circles, our own areas and our own society.

When I was on Facebook for personal use, I had near 100 contacts, relatives, cousins, old friends, and a few writers I met online.

When my husbands insurance premiums went up to pay for his cancer treatments, I created a charity application that FaceBook makes available for people to post. I explained what had happened and how the cost was above our Social Security Income and that his Medicare doesn't kick in until May of 2012.

Out of all my contacts, 2 writers I never met donated. One even wanted to donate a little something every month but it made me feel bad when my husband has so many family members who should be helping out.

And in case you don't know about those Facebook Apps, they are specifically so you can post it on your wall and your contacts can press SHARE and it automatically goes onto their wall for their contacts to see and hopefully they will SHARE too so that the App, itself becomes sort of viral.

I knew alot of people didn't have money but all I asked of them was to press the SHARE button so that the App. itself could get out into the wider web. NO ONE would do it! I asked many times and in many ways for 4 whole months only to be completely ignored by all except my best friend who posted it a few times.

This of course made me think about what kind of people who professed to be loving, to be caring, to be Christian, and were my contacts. I closed down my FaceBook page for personal use as a result.

Why am I going into this?

Because it's a thumbnail view of American charity and how Americans by and large these days would rather and faster give to an unseen organisation, foundation, etc. BEFORE looking to see if there are people in their own immediate friends, family, extended family, community, etc. first!

Charity is a function that by design is supposed to start closest to you and then works outward as you can afford, accomplish it, etc.

This article is about how to find the people around you that you should be helping FIRST and foremost and not only with your money but your time and your care. The people you know and the people around you should be the ones you help first before the latest fad sorry story in the media and certainly before an organisation or another country!

I'm not saying there aren't some good organisations who do good work(so please don't write me) but even the ones like Red Cross have CEO's who live in mansions and drive two cars within their areas. I know because the local branch in my area has events all the time at his house to raise money from the rich upper society on dinners.

However, if we were to help from the inside of our own circles, out, in all the charity we do in our lives, there wouldn't be as much need for BIG charities that there is now. Honestly I don't see anyone helping people on a personal one to one basis anymore. The old "I gave at the office." has been replaced with, "I gave to an organisation."

And I am not just talking about friends and families, but churches too!

I remember when I was a little girl, churches of all faiths really used to help families. When they would find out that your family was hurting or in need in some way or maybe just had a family member struck with a dire illness as in my case, they would make a point of visiting you, whether they were of your faith or not and sit down with you and sincerely ask you what it was that you needed?

They would go so far as to see that you were visited every so often to make sure that you were OK. That was TRUE charity.

Right now, my husband, my son and me, live in a place of 3 small towns close to each other where my husband grew up and his whole family has been known for many years. As a result 3 church communities know my husband and/or his family in some way. Not one of them has even attempted to contact us even though he has been or is on their prayer lists.

What's worse, when the church we attended the most had a meeting about our children's religious education and a few ladies asked me how I was and everything, I stupidly opened up about how much we were struggling. I explained how hard it is being disabled and how devastating it is now with my husband having terminal cancer and raising our small child with no support in any way. I mentioned how I wish I had some friends as I was often very lonely.

All I got was that I would be prayed for.

That's good, but what were they praying for? In many cases YOU are the answer to those prayers! Were they praying for someone to visit me? Why can't they? Were they praying for someone to get to know me, why don't they? Were they praying that someone would help us mow our lawn, didn't they know someone in their church or community at all who could help us? After all, we had just moved back and THEY are the ones who had been here for years and years.

Next time I saw these ladies, they were polite and smiled, said they were praying for us. But for the most part, we are out of sight, out of mind to these supposedly Christian people. This has totally disheartened me.

It's time that people started behaving like the social beings that we actually ARE instead of some kind of wild dogs that scavenge and are out each for his own, instead of assuaging our consciences by throwing money at some faceless organisation to do the job of feeding the hungry, clothe and shelter the poor. When have you personally seen ANY of these organisations actually DO these things in your neighborhood? Regardless of their assurances and guarantees you rarely if hardly ever personally SEE anyone actually get helped and you never know for sure if they actually do.

Look around you, for Gods sake! Take an assessment, Who is there in your extended family that is alone, suffering in some way, wondering how they are going to mow their lawn this year, or clothe their kids or simply fill an afternoon with something other than mind numbing television? Are they wondering where they are going to get the money for gas to get to work this week? You can't afford 20 dollars? hmmm.

But I BET you gave to at least ONE organisation this year, huh? While someone in YOUR very own circle needed that money much more immediately.

The women who gave to me only gave like 10 and 20 dollars. Not much but it meant more than the money to me-it was worth more than gold to me! It meant someone NOTICED! Someone somewhere TRIED!

I can give 5 lousy dollars in spite of all the needs we have if a friend or extended family member or even a friend of a friend I barely knew made an App. like I did on FaceBook. But no, I had to endure my cousin bragging about going on her latest cruise and trips across the country while she completely ignored my App. She didn't have the time to even SHARE it, she must of been on another cruise, huh? How completely heartless!

My husbands own grown kids couldn't spread the word on FaceBook. I consider that betrayal, I have a very keen sense of right and wrong and the things I've seen that could be considered the sin of OMISSION,( in other words, sitting on your ass when you should have done something IS a sin), was amazing and I personally could not LIVE with myself if I had done it.

That's why I am shocked and appalled and disgusted with the society in America today, The great givers, ha! Because I simply cannot relate to such cold, callus, disregard of another human being as I have witnessed and heard about from others.

Look into your online social circles, is there someone there like me? Have they not directly asked you for money but for prayer that they can feed their family? Did you know that there are hardly ANY programs anymore for people like us? I didn't until this happened to me. No insurance for me or our son. No help for school lunches, see that's based on income so even though we are acatually paying out MORE than we get, all the lunch program is based on is how much you make and according to that we make too much money for eligibility for free lunches. We make too much for food stamps. We get NO HELP WHATSOEVER and believe me WE are NOT the only ones!! I guarantee there are people like my family in your social circle somewhere.

I belong to a few groups about cancer and things that we are facing and they are full of this exact story, however you know what I noticed? They have given up. They have gone home to die. They do without food or eat kibble, no joke! The stories are always the same, they aren't exactly friendless or without family, but they are without friends or family who care enough to visit them or help them in ANY way.

My husband has 25 people in his family who can help him in SOME way. Think about what 10 dollars times 25 is? Yet it's been the ONE family member I have left, MY mother who raised me single by herself who couldn't afford to buy me clothes for school when I was a child who has been the one to actually help us out recently.

My husband has two sisters and the one who is a single mother of 4 kids and a grandson with a mortgage is the one that has helped. SHE obviously isn't the one who should be the ONE to help, not when there's SO much family other than her.

His poor elderly dad who gets Social Security is the ONE who is trying to save some money so that when my mom can no longer pay out of the extra she has soon, he can come through. Again, why should HE be alone in this? Because there's no one else.

My husband sat on his butt watching TV ALL summer long. He had two phone calls and one visit from his Mother in May. His dad visits at least once a week. He has a little sister 10 miles away and she has never even visited him ONCE. He found out his mother has been within ten minutes several times of our house and he wonders why she woudln't visit him? What do I say to that since I CANNOT relate to these things!

I do not tell you this to feel sorry for us.

I want you to SEE that YOU could very well be like one of these people.

ARE YOU? If you are, stop! if you aren't sure, look in your MySpace, FB, G+ and Twitter friends. What about extended family? There seems to be disasters everywhere anymore, does your Mom or Dad have someone they know that's felt the latest tornado, hurricane or earthquake?

Did someone pop up a charity page or an App. like I did? SHARE IT! Spread the word for them-what will it hurt you? Do it all again in 3 weeks. Acknowledge the need, to them, to your friends but above all, don't IGNORE them!

Don't tell them you are going to pray for them, TALK to them now and pray for them later.

If you are in a church or even just a social group that gets together, try to get a few of you to do something good for someone in your direct vicinity. And then do it again for someone next month. Even if it is simply visiting an elderly person.

I am outlining TRUE charity. Because I don't think America KNOWS what it is anymore by and large.

True CHARITY doesn't have a brand, or a sign, or a commercial-it has a face and it's a face YOU know, I guarantee it.

SO are you truly charitable or are you simply "giving to an organisation?" so you can feel like you are?

Think about it.

Samantha Stacia

http://frankiesfundraising.blogspot.com

http://samantha-stacia.blogspot.com

Creator of the writers group for women over 40 called Blooming Late on the www.SheWrites.com website.